A Roller Coaster – A Poem of Love, Longing, Passion, and Futility

Like a roller coaster . . .

This is like a roller coaster.
A wild ride of desire and
Admiration and love and frustration.
I’ve never felt so crazy.
For more of you.
Crazy for you.
Crazy to tell you how
Badly I want you.
How much I miss you
When we don’t talk.
I ride this rickety piece
Of shit up the track and
Feel on top of the world
Certain somehow you
Are mine if only in the
Words we don’t say. In
The moments we share
That remain ours alone,
Fleeting though they may be.
I coast for a few days
Feeling the high of you.
And then the tick, click, rattle
reaches its peak and I know
I’m headed down again.
The pit rises in my stomach.
I freefall into nothingness
Wondering where you went
Desperate to hang on to what
Was there only moments or the day before.
The car climbs and I feel the distance
Return. If I had my way when you’re like this,
I’d take matters into my own hands
And you’d never disappear from me again.
I’m certain of this – of my power, of the passion
That you won’t be able to ignore.
But the car climbs this hill again. I feel your distance.
I grasp at straws confused and torn.
I miss what was before and wish you’d recognize what changed.
And then, in a moment of total joy, I find you again.
I revel in feeling home with you. I am safe again in the light of your eyes.
You cannot convince me of anything
But you. I feel you are mine again. The thoughts,
The fantasies return. I dream of riding waves
Of passion and not this painful mess that makes
Me want to run away.

– Poem by EM