Building a Peaceful Life and Home

A rambling ramble about the life I’m building…

If left to my own devices, I’m a joyful person. I love laughing and humor. I love simple things. I am a lover of beauty in all its forms. Nature is perhaps my most beloved way of finding joy and beauty. But there are countless ways I can and want to find delight in this mess of a world that is not my home. It’s rough when I’m facing a lot of ugliness. I feel discombobulated and disconnected from myself. I think we all do. But I think that ratchets up for empaths, those who are introverted or very connected to the suffering of others. Whether it’s the ugly in the world, (the world is a disaster right now), or due to others, I find myself struggling when at every turn there is turmoil. I was involved with someone once that was a hard person. He was hard in every way I can think to describe him. Since he’s long gone, I’ve had time to think about what being around him was like for me and the tension he brought into my life. It was – he was – so unhealthy. His deep unhappiness was shared with everyone around him. He made everyone around him miserable. At first I was spared. And then it spilled over to me too.

I am passionate. I get excited about silly things. I want to enjoy life. I love to share that with someone. I love that part of me. I was unhappy so often around this dude. We’ll call him . . . Nate. I haven’t seen Nate in three-ish years. But the impact he made on me has lingered for a while. His treatment of me hurt for a long time. Someday I think I’ll feel fully thankful for that because it cleared the way for what I know I deserve. For now, I’m only partially thankful. But through therapy and healing, it solidified this conviction in me that I want to be around someone who prizes peace as I do. I want to be with someone that loves that part of me and doesn’t bring me down.

A peaceful home environment is my jam. I don’t mean kid chaos isn’t okay. Or that I expect to never argue ever. What I’m talking about is the true and deep peace that comes from a healthy home. I’ve come through a hard battle, I refuse to go back. I refuse to be surrounded by unhappiness and turmoil. The world has enough of that. Home and my personal life will be, in every way I’m capable of controlling it, joyful, peaceful, and lovely. I will be focused on nurturing that.

I hope that I will find someone that will join me in that pursuit. I don’t want to do it alone. But I will.